Marriage, Cake and Videotape
by Quezacolt
Summary: It was bound to happen eventually. JohnxElizabeth.


Marriage, Cake and Video tape.

John Sheppard took a deep breath. It was inevitable really, that one day this would happen. But the fact it was happening so soon made him shiver, it was something he really should have expected, but didn't.

He looked on with a quiet sense on dread, his feet scuffing the floor slightly, almost as if wishing the floor they stood on would suddenly rip open and swallow him whole. Around him were baited breaths, eyes staring in anticipation for his ultimate demise. Some sniggered, two to be exact, the rest waited, hanging on every word for the answer they expected him, yet slightly dreaded, him to give.

He opened his mouth, only to realize his mouth had become so dry, his words came out more as a growl then the English this planet luckily spoke.

"IrllywshIclsyys, btIcn,Imsy."

One man, almost directly across from John, frowned, looking toward his team for a translation. Rodney shrugged, as Ronon smirked and Teyla stared with a slightly confused, but mostly smug look on her face as John's predicament. The traitors.

"I'm sorry?" Asked the man, his elderly white beard cascading halfway down his stooped chest. John stared for a second at the mole on the man's forehead; trying to speak the words he had perfectly lined up in his brain, only to discover he could not find them, a predicament he found horribly well timed.

Rodney smirked, the horrible smirk he reserved just for Sheppard and his precarious predicaments as behind him, Lorne's linguist continued to videotape the proceedings, long forgotten his excuse of recording cultural lore in order to analyze the divide between modern Earth society and this slightly spiritual but mostly middle-ages type civilization.

"Look," John began after taking a moment to wipe his sweating brow. At this moment, he realised he would rather be flying to another hive ship on another suicide mission then be here, explaining why he couldn't marry this Leader's nineteen year old daughter.

"Laree'sh is fantastic, trust me," He began, slightly more confident but no less terrified, "She's been an awesome host. And she's pretty and nice and she's going to make someone really happy one day. But that person just isn't me. I'm sorry. I have my own world to take care of and I've really got no time for a girlfriend or uh – wife at the moment, but I'm flattered! Really, but you see-"

"You are already promised to someone else?" The town-leader interrupted. John frowned.

"What? No, It's just-"

"If you are not promised already to someone, why do you not wish to marry Laree'sh? She is a gift from my town to you."

"A gift greatly appreciated, trust me," John began again, "But really, I'm not the commitment type. Sure, I've had my fair share of relationships, but it always ends up being my bad laundry habits that drive her away, or the dust bunnies under my couch, or-"

"Laree'sh is committed. She will not disturb you. She will do everything you ask of her. I know that she is a year over the commitment age, but most of the boys in the village were taken in the latest culling. She is ready to give you sons when you wish for them. You can have your own warriors within a few years and-"

"Look," John interrupted, trying unsuccessfully to not make eye contact with Laree'sh or her father. "Where we come from you don't just trade your children, and Laree'sh is great. Trust me, If – If I – If I wasn't already taken, I would love to marry her. But someone is waiting for me and uh-"

"Ah, say no more." The leader looked satisfied, an understanding dawning in his eyes as he nodded. "Tell me of this one who has your heart. My own wives promise themselves to me, but only Sarn'esh, Laree'sh's mother truly has my heart."

"She's uh – uh – she's-" John stuttered, mind going to go completely blank. He thought about saying one of his old girlfriends, god knows he had enough of them, but for the moment, he couldn't think of a single one.

"Weir." The comment made from behind him made his mouth drop open in abject terror, "Elizabeth Weir is her name."

A figure walked past him to shake hands with the leader, who patted her on the shoulders as their custom of hello.

Elizabeth Weir stood; smiling politely as the other members of Atlantis's team sniggered in barely suppressed laughter.

Lorne leaned over to his linguist and tapped him on the shoulder as the leader began telling Elizabeth of their offer for John's wife and how happy they were that he was in love with the leader of the Atlantis base as John paled in the background.

"Do not lose that tape." He whispered, "People will be paying by the truck full for copies."

Lieutenant Simmons grinned knowingly as the leader of Atlantis began once more to speak.

"So," She said with a smile on her face and a suspicious (to John anyway) twinkle in her eye. "I understand your willing to trade with us for a quarter of your crop this year."

The leader smiled knowingly.

"Indeed, we have far too much, even after taking away the amount necessary to give our people a comfortable winter of eating, we are willing to trade for something from you should you agree."

"Any idea of what that could be?" Elizabeth asked, as John slowly began to lose the redness from his cheeks.

"Indeed," The leader said quickly, "We have heard you have the equipment necessary to make tree cutting easier? We need firewood in large amounts as winter is very cold here and with the wilder beasts out during snow seasons, we dare not go out to cut more. If you can supply us with the tools we need to accomplish this, we are willing to give you all the crop you desire."

Elizabeth smiled.

"Thank you, that is very generous."

The leader nodded his head, turning away from Elizabeth to John, who had regained most of his composure but couldn't help the nervous flickering of his eyes to Elizabeth, then to the dejected looking Laree'sh and the leader of the community. The leader, not having a name, or not having a name known to the Atlantians, patted John on the shoulder.

"It would have been an honor to have you as a son of this community. Laree'sh is most disappointed, but there is a baron who is quite keen on her, and her on him. A childhood crush it may be, or perhaps more, we shall have to see if it develops."

John nodded as the father patted him once more, before turning, leaning heavily on the people around him as he headed off back into the village, the group having been standing in the middle of a small clearing in front of the Stargate.

"Well," Said Lorne, imitating the old man's actions of patting John on the shoulder as another of his team members dialed the Stargate, "that went well."

Elizabeth smirked, a smug smirk she reserved just for him when something like this happened. Teyla's mouth curved slightly upwards, her amusement clearly showing as Ronon beside her, full out grinned.

As the gate engaged, John took one long last glare in their general direction, before huffing his way to the gate, stopping at the top of the stairs to raise a finger as Lorne's team began to file through the even horizon back to Atlantis.

"I want that tape on my desk by dinner, Lorne."

Lorne just smiled and nodded.

"Plenty of time for that sir." As he crossed over. John waited for everyone to go past him before Elizabeth made it up the stairs, stopping beside him as she smiled.

"Well, looks like today was your lucky day."

John just crossed his arms, the smile on his face giving away what he really thought of the situation.

"What can I say? It's not the first girl who's fallen for my charms."

Elizabeth nodded.

"I know, there was that ancient, there was that woman on that planet, there was the man dressed a woman on that planet when you accidentally drank some of the town moonshine and got drunk out of your mind, there was that nice fifty year old who kept sending cookies through the gate that was laced with what Carson calls the Pegasus Date Rape drug and there was that blonde woman who thought you were her long lost lover."

John grinned and elbowed her slightly in the ribs.

"Well," he said slyly, "I think your forgetting one to add to that list."

"Oh yeah? Who?" She asked, eyes twinkling. John leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers, briefly.

"You." He whispered, before lightly, he pushed her through the gate. He stepped though a second later, arriving on the other side to meet her one eyebrow raised stare.

"What?" He asked innocently, as the gate shut down behind him and the teams scattered.

Elizabeth leaned forward, pretending to be looking at the P90 hanging from his vest, as she breathed lightly onto his neck.

"Don't forget buddy – You asked ME out."

John pretended to frown in thought.

"No, if I remember correctly, you were the one who kissed me. After I had eaten one of those cookies if I remember correctly. Hey – you took advantage of me!"

Elizabeth scoffed.

"Well, don't expect that to happen again." She turned and began to walk away as John, processing what she said, took three large jump-steps and grabbed her elbow.

"Aww, Don't be like that Elizabeth. I didn't mean it. You can take advantage of my manly charms anytime you want! I don't mind! Really!"

Elizabeth grinned.

"I hope you realize you're never going to get that tape, John."

John frowned.

"But I told Lorne to put it on my desk. It was an order."

Elizabeth grinned.

"I don't think you want him near your desk do you? I think I left my jacket somewhere in your office last time we were in there. And my socks. And they were the nice ones too, with sheep on."

John's eyes widened as staring at Elizabeth and thinking back to the purely pink socks Elizabeth loved wearing because it reminded her of her home, and the little sheep on them with ribbons, John dumped his vest in the nearest arm of an SF and ran toward his office, determined to make it there first.

Elizabeth Weir chuckled, glancing down at her shoes, where she knew safely inside were tucked her pink sheep socks, the unusual warmth of them comforting on days when John Sheppard was just too much to handle.

She smiled as Teyla joined her on her walk to the control room.

"Everything is well Doctor Weir, is it not?"

Elizabeth smiled.

"Everything is perfect, Teyla. Absolutely Perfect."

And it was.

- - -

The computer beeped, as Carson Beckett sat in his office, his infirmary blissfully empty. Alerting every computer to a new file placed on the Atlantis Intranet, Carson frowned, opening it, his curiosity growing to the newest item someone thought everyone in Atlantis should see.

Opening on the file entitled "Shweir.avi." with confusion lining his features, Carson waited for the movie clip to open.

Carson stared at the video, obviously taken off world.

"Look," John Sheppard interrupted the elderly man, his eyes flicking nervously from the young girl and the elderly man. "Where we come from you don't just trade your children, and Laree'sh is great. Trust me, If – If I – If I wasn't already taken, I would love to marry her. But someone is waiting for me and uh-"

"Ah, say no more." The leader looked satisfied, an understanding dawning in his eyes as he nodded. "Tell me of this one who has your heart. My own wives promise themselves to me, but only Sarn'esh, Laree'sh's mother truly has my heart."

"She's uh – uh – she's-" John stuttered, obviously straining his mind in thought. Carson chuckled.

"Weir." The comment made from behind the camera was familiar. Oddly so. "Elizabeth Weir is her name."

A figure walked into the frame to shake hands with the leader, who patted her on the shoulders. Carson felt his mouth open is shock.

Elizabeth Weir stood; smiling politely as the other members of Atlantis's team sniggered in barely suppressed laughter.

The video shut off, as Carson finally figured the meaning of the file name.

"Kirsten?" He called, standing up and sticking his head out of the door as one of the nurses turned to look at him.

"Yes, Carson?"

Carson smiled.

"You might want to get a few beds made up. I have a feeling a lot of people are going to be injured severely in the next few minutes."

"Doctor?" She asked confused.

"Don't worry," He said, "You'll find out soon enough." As angry shouts could be heard, and running footsteps, as flying past the door, Major Lorne and several of his team ran, being closely followed by an angry John Sheppard and following him, a clearly amused Elizabeth Weir.

The end.


End file.
